But then I recognized something quite abnormal - again something people don't realize that is happening right under their eyes, is that many of the Chinese international students here are from Beijing. I felt like it was the perfect place for me. I came to Rutgers this spring and felt very welcomed by its atmosphere. There are thousands of international students for them to handle, anyway. I do not know why the American universities keep silent about this, perhaps they don't think it has much to do with themselves. I still concern myself as the lucky one: Some students from Xinjiang so far as I know when they went back to China last year had never made it to come back again. At some point, I really don't know if I would get immediately arrested upon arriving in a Chinese airport.
It is hard for some Chinese friends to use private foreign apps since those were blocked in China, so I had to use the same one to keep in touch with them. In fact, I've switched about 20 accounts since they tightened the censorship due to Hong Kong protests, all of the previous ones were permanently banned. My online account in a famous texting app - not WeChat but I bet you know which one it is if you are familiar with the Chinese app market - also get banned multiple times. I made some friends online who did not agree with the Chinese government, some of them later got warned or arrested for mentioning certain words in Chinese social media. During this time, I also started reading many different news about what China had done to its people, especially in Xinjiang and Hong Kong. Again I was lucky to meet a professor who told me to major in liberal arts and go to Rutgers. Later, I was fortunate enough to attend a college in the Midwest - please allow me to hide its name here - which I again suffered from my indifference from the place and the undergoing racism comparing to the east coast. Before my parents helped me switching to a language school and tried to study abroad, my life had been a mess.
I suffered another level of pain among those people who are entirely mismanaging their daily lives. I ended up dropping out of middle school and only entered a vocational high school that does not really teach anything - it only serves the purpose of settling down those young kids who don't study during their school lives in case they cause trouble in the society. It applies to everyone but didn't work on me. Since I was a middle school student, my parents and school pushed me to the limit of studying to get to a better high school in the city, and then do the same to get into a better college. Today I am risking my life to tell you a story.
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